In an era where women empowerment and gender equality is on the new norm, a popular opinion has arised on a widespread discussion about limits of a woman when it comes to parenting, masculinity and role of men in raising boys.
As global reports indicate, there is a high population of mothers raising chidren single handedly without their fathers as most fathers tend to be absent or neglect their responsibilities.
However, amidst it all, a popular opinion has arised in which it is being argued that women can’t raise boys into men nor teach them how to express their masculinity just as men can’t raise girls into women.
This opinion has emerged into the limelight following Nollywood star Jim Iyke’s interview with Okay FM in which he expressed his opinion on parenting, masculinity and the role men take in shaping boys into responsible men.
The exclaimed Nollywood actor asserted that women can’t single handedly raise boys into men without the involvement of male/father figure. He explained that while women are inherently nurturing and loving they often lack the disciplinary influence and can’t be an example of manhood that the boys need to grow into strong, responsible men.
Complimenting on Iyke’s remarks, it has been discussed by specialists in parenting that masculinity is modeled rather than taught. A mother can teach morals, ethical values, respect and love but cant teach masculinity as it is modeled not explained. Boys need to see first hand what it looks like to be a man not just being told what men are supposed to do or be like. They need to see from their fathers or father figures how to handle pressure, be responsible and dealing with failure, rejection or success.
A mother can tell her son to be strong but can’t show him what it looks like when a man faces the world and leads with grounded strength and restraint. That’s a lived experience.
According to Iyke, women are naturally built to nurture and love. As such without a father or a father figure one may end up raising a weak man who has no idea of what manhood is about. A boy need someone who will properly discipline him, tell him “no” when necessary and encourage him to grow through challenges.
It has be said that women often parent emotionally not developmentally. Most single mothers are raising their son’s by shielding them from pain or guilt. That emotional dynamic while rooted in love unintentionally leads to coddling or enabling instead of challenging, emasculation(unintentionally making the son a surrogate partner, protector or emotional crutch) and over-correction.
As the popular saying goes, only iron can shape an iron, this is also the case with raising boys into men. Boys are wired to test limits and when testosterone kicks in, they naturally push boundaries and that’s when a man’s presence matters.
There is a different kind of respect and correction that comes from a male figure. This respect emerges not necessarily through dominance but through balanced balanced masculine authority. When fathers step in, the sons calibrate and tend to learn respect without fear, strength with discipline and how to assert without destroying.
This viewpoint was supported by Reverend Nathan Mugalu. He concurs that women can’t raise men and that many boys raised by mothers alone struggle with aggression or passivity, lack direction/purpose and tend to get identity cues from media, street life or peers. They are particularly left to guess at what it means to be a man or worse they adopt hyper-masculine, toxic traits as over compensation.
All in all, this opinion has been agreed and supported by many that raising a man is not about just feeding clothing and educating a boy. It’s about shaping his core-his identity, purpose, emotional regulation and self worth.
A woman can raise boys to be good people but manhood is different blueprint. It requires exposure to masculine wisdom, accountability and presence of a biological father or any father figure be it step father, an uncle or grand father.